my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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