I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
