I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
