why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
