it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
