i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
