I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
