My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
