Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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