ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
