Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize