i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
