I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
We are two peas in an std pod
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
