It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
