Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
