I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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