just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
