Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
