no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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