you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
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If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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