its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar