I murdered the dance floor call the cops
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites