My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
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I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We are all done wearing pants today