I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS