I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something