Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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