Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
