I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
