i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
