I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She told me I should be a condom model.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
