Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
