Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
