It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
