I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Let's paint friendship bongs
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
