i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's blow job season.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
