I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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