This girl is more easily done than said...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
