This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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