thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
