you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
