I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize