Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
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Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
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A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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