you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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