Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
