so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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