bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
