i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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