I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
