and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
