You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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