I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
