If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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