Whatcha textin bout Willis?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
