he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
you made out with another girl for some wings
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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