I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
