I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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