Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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