I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
