You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
