I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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