did you get engaged???
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
