Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
