I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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