Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
