Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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