Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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