porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
