people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
