I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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