I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
